I don't mind Stoke City. Well, that's not strictly true. I detest and despise Stoke City. Their stadium is a badly-designed, featureless victim of hasty stadia planning following the Taylor report. They should have razed it to the ground and started again. Their fans were upset with us for ending their play-off dream two seasons ago by scoring a 93rd minute equaliser, pelting us with coins and mud after the match. The local constabulary let them do so. Their football is terrible. Their manager is bald and wears a baseball cap. And, before I was born, they robbed us of an FA Cup semi-final place. But, well, I maintain some affection for the club - largely because we never lose there.
In our last three seasons, we've won one and drawn two at the Britannia Stadium. In 2005/6, Peter Taylor's side won 3-0 with an effortless display, thanks to an early own goal and then a glorious bit of heel-and-turn magic from Jon Parkin (oh, those heady days) and a first strike for the brief flame of hope that was Darryl Duffy. Boaz Myhill saved two - that's two - penalties. And Stoke's fans were so browned off by their side's ineptitude that they ignored us and began fighting each other.
In 2006/7, we went to Stoke with three games left, fighting the drop. It was serious stuff. Liam Lawrence scored thanks to a deflection off Andy Dawson which defied science, but that fabled 93rd minute moment sent the Tiger Nation mental, when Nick Barmby shinned one in from 25 yards. We left with bruises and anger but also pride in our team and, a goal from Dean Windass later in Cardiff, we were safe.
Last season, we arrived at the Britannia on New Year's Day feeling just a little buoyant. Unbeaten in four, we went behind thanks to one of those notorious long throw from Rory Delap but fashioned an equaliser through Caleb Folan and had enough chances to go and win prior to settling for another 1-1 draw. No arguments or missiles greeted us upon exit this time, and both teams obviously ended the season happy.
Once one considers and puts aside the financial benefits and status growth which comes with elevation to the Premier League, a lesser advantage of such a rise was to be that we wouldn't have to go to Stoke. Sadly for that ambition, Stoke went up with us, and indeed went up before us, so a further trip to the Britannia was a small price to pay for our own surge into the top tier for the first time ever.
The recent history between the two clubs is aided by the players we have in common. Leon Cort is a Stoke defender and a bonafide icon of Hull City's resuscitation under Taylor. I was crestfallen when I heard he was leaving Crystal Palace for Stoke. Of all the teams he could have joined, and it was Stoke. He also got an earlobe (and little more) on to that Delap throw last season to score against us. Michael Turner took Cort's legacy and built on it, and we don't miss him now, but he is still one of our most loved players of this decade. Even though he plays for Stoke.
Having scored against them under Taylor, Parkin, of course, soon blubbered up and was sent, tail between his fatty legs, to the Britannia on loan. He apparently liked it there and was unhappy when Phil Brown, having scraped all the other barrels, felt compelled to solve a striking crisis by recalling Parkin. Named as a sub, he joked with the Stoke fans as he warmed up on the touchline, then came on to play as disinterestedly as any player could against his new buddies. When Barmby's goal went in, he failed to join in the celebrations. Brown sold him to Stoke, where he quickly got bored and even fatter, and now he's at Preston, presumably promising yet again to shed the lard and knuckle down. Talented, and yet immensely disappointing. And stupid.
This weekend, Stoke's hurled missiles and difficult on the eye tactics will try to conquer us in the same way that the likes of Aston Villa and Arsenal were put asunder. However, we know them very well, almost too well. Even allowing for their publicity of late, Stoke were never an unknown quantity to Hull City. We have too much of a history. For all the lack of attraction there is in visiting either city or club, a journey to Stoke this weekend may prove most enlightening and pivotal. And I'm amazed I've said that.
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